Egos at Work

Egos – we all have them! They're part of what
makes us want authority and status, and what gives us confidence.
Egos drive our need to be recognized for our accomplishments.
This
is perfectly normal.
But what happens when someone's ego goes too far?
You know the
type: the colleague who will do just about anything to claim
credit or gain power; the person who takes over every discussion
and tries to grab the spotlight; or the team member who
continually criticizes other people's ideas. These people are
undermining the team's mission with their behavior.
Ego is at the root of many workplace issues.
From poor communication to failed negotiation, to faulty decision
making, ego can lay a dangerous path of destruction. The obnoxious
and overbearing behavior that comes with it can damage creativity,
undermine effective problem solving, cause stress, and adversely
impact morale.
Many of us know how hard it is to work with – or for – egotistic
people. Unfortunately, there's a good chance you'll encounter this
trait in a colleague, boss, or customer at some point in your
career. After all, the competitive nature of the workplace can
naturally cause people to look out for themselves. To protect
yourself, you need to manage and contain these larger-than-life
personalities.
But first, how do you know you're dealing with an oversized ego
and not just a healthy dose of confidence and assertiveness? Watch
for some of these common egotistical behaviors:

Wanting or demanding credit for every idea.
Using "I" and "me" (instead
of "we" and "us") almost exclusively.
Dominating conversations and meetings.
Reminding others of their superiority or
excellence (real or perceived).
Stopping others from expressing their ideas.
Rewarding those who support them (and perhaps
punishing those who don't).
Bullying, or trying to exert power they don't
really have.

Tip 1:

Do you recognize yourself in any of these
behaviors? Do you feel you need to prove your worth all
the time? A healthy ego is part of healthy self-esteem.
But egotism can emerge when you feel your accomplishments
don't measure up. If you have a habit of seeking outside
approval and recognition, or if you try to control everything,
this can be a sign that you don't believe you can control
very much. For tips on building self-esteem and confidence,
see our article on
Building
Self-Confidence
.
Tip 2:
Be careful not to "kill the goose
that lays the golden egg." You wouldn't be surprised
if your star salesperson was just a bit egotistical. And
your CEO may have a strong sense of the wisdom or his or
her own views!
Do what you sensibly can to minimize the
impact of egotism, but make sure that your actions are aligned
with the interests of your organization.

OK, now you know how to recognize the signs
of a big ego – but the people with out-of-control egos probably
don't, so you're not likely to get them to change their behavior.
Instead, focus on changing your reactions and communication style,
and changing the work environment. Remember, the only one who
can change the situation is you!
Changing Your Reactions and Communication Style
Try these strategies for communicating with people who have big
egos.
Don't Let Them Bait You
It's tempting to fight back with an even bigger ego of your own.
But you probably won't win that battle, and you can look bad in
the process. If people insist on always being right, let them
express themselves. In fact, let them exhaust themselves and run
out of steam. Then, when they're finished puffing their feathers,
state your points calmly and confidently.
This can be especially effective if the egotist is your boss or in
a position of authority. You want to ease the situation, not make
things worse. By remaining calm and listening to what the person
has to say, you can avoid further conflict. Then you can come back
to discuss the issue, later in the meeting or at another time.
Use Their Names
This is a subtle tactic that can really work. When you address
people by their names, you take control and command their
attention. When you speak to an egotist, use the person's first
name as often as you sensibly can.
Assert Your Needs
Egotistic people can be bullies, but don't allow them to walk all
over you. Establish your boundaries, and define what is and is not
acceptable. Then make sure you follow up. Don't give an egocentric
person any room to manipulate or dominate you.
If the egotist is your boss, this is critical.
Clearly communicate what you need (support, resources, direction,
feedback) to get the job done. When you make requests, talk about
wanting to do your best and creating a great working relationship.

Tip:

If bullying is an issue, see our article on handling
bullying in the workplace
.

Speak Your Mind
People with big egos may not expect to be challenged.
They can be so full of their self-importance that they don't think
anyone could possibly oppose them. If you clearly state why you
object to something, or if you make a solid counter-argument,
you'll weaken the egotist's armor. However, don't go in for the
kill or embarrass the person. Just reveal the weakness in the
argument, and clear the way for your ideas to be heard.

Tip:
Depending on your relationship with the
egotist, you may be able to offer constructive feedback
to help the person understand the impact of his or her behavior.
Be sensitive and compassionate, and remember that a big
ego can be a sign of deeper personal insecurity.


Focus on the Team's Mission
Where the egotist's behavior is negatively affecting
the team's mission, bring everyone's focus back onto the mission,
and – subtly or otherwise – challenge the behavior in this context.
Chang the Work Environment
If you don't get results by changing your reactions and
communication style, try to change the workplace itself. If you're
a manager or supervisor, you may have this authority. Otherwise,
you'll need your manager's support to make the necessary changes
to promote workplace harmony.
Reduce the Emphasis on Workplace Competition
Ego tends to surface when someone's reward and recognition are
tied to being better than the rest of the team. If you reward
teamwork instead individual performance, you may reduce the
incentive for egotistic behavior.
Force Cooperation
Put the egotist in situations where he or she must rely on a
colleague's input and direction to perform successfully. The
nature of working together tends to foster respect and
understanding. It may force the egotistic person to realize the
value of other people's contributions. Remember to provide
adequate support to the people who are working with the egotist,
since doing so may not be easy.
Minimize Team Involvement
This is a last resort, but if the egotistic behavior continues to
cause problems, you may need to keep the person away from the team
as much as possible. Delegate specific tasks that can be
accomplished separately, and then include the egotist in team
discussions only when necessary.

Key Points
Egotism in the workplace is common, and it can be very challenging
for everyone involved. Whether the egotist is your team member or
your boss, the person's arrogance and know-it-all attitude can
harm morale and team spirit.
To protect yourself and the team, you need to
first recognize the egotistic behavior for what it is. You then
have two choices: to change the way you relate to the person,
or to change the work environment. With either approach, use gentle
reminders of what is and is not appropriate behavior; this can
effectively plant the seeds of change. Eventually, the egotist
should get the message.