Building Self-Confidence
Preparing Yourself for Success!


Build your self-confidence
with James Manktelow & Amy Carlson.

From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.
After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling, and overly apologetic.
On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.
Self-confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.
The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own self-confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!
How Confident do you Seem to Others?
Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior with behavior associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?



Self-Confident
Low Self-Confidence




Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
Governing your behavior based on what other people think.


Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and so avoid taking risks.


Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them.
Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.


Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments.
Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to as many people as possible.


Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”
Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh that prospectus was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”



As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.
What is Self-Confidence?
Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed; and it's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.

This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem , which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. At Mind Tools, we believe that there's some truth in this, but that it's just as important to build self-confidence by setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence . Without this underlying competence, you don't have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the issues, upset and failure that this brings.
Building Self-Confidence
So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?
The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution.
The good news is that building self-confidence is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!
So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a journey: preparing for your journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.
Step 1: Preparing for Your Journey
The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. You need to take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, get yourself in the right mindset for your journey, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it.
In preparing for your journey, do these five things:
Look at What You've Already Achieved
Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've achieved in an "Achievement Log." Perhaps you came top in an important test or exam, played a key role in an important team, produced the best sales figures in a period, did something that made a key difference in someone else’s life, or delivered a project that meant a lot for your business.
Put these into a smartly formatted document, which you can look at often. And then spend a few minutes each week enjoying the success you’ve already had!
Think About Your Strengths
Next, use a technique like SWOT Analysis to take a look at who and where you are. Looking at your Achievement Log, and reflecting on your recent life, think about what your friends would consider to be your strengths and weaknesses. From these, think about the opportunities and threats you face.
Make sure that you enjoy a few minutes reflecting on your strengths!
Think About What's Important to You, and Where you Want to Go
Next, think about the things that are really important to you, and what you want to achieve with your life.
Setting and achieving goals is a key part of this, and real self-confidence comes from this. Goal setting is the process you use to set yourself targets, and measure your successful hitting of those targets. See our article on goal setting to find out how to use this important
technique, or use our


Life Plan Workbook to think through your own goals in detail (see the "Tip" below).


Inform your goal setting with your SWOT Analysis. Set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, realize your opportunities, and control the threats you face.
And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in each. Make sure it’s a very small step, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!
Start Managing Your Mind
At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to pick up and defeat the negative self-talk which can destroy your confidence. See our article on rational positive thinking to find out how to do this.
Further useful reading includes our article on imagery – this teaches you how to use and create strong mental images of what you'll feel and experience as you achieve your major goals – there’s something about doing this that makes even major goals seem achievable!
And Then Commit Yourself to Success!
The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that you are absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to achieve it.
If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write them down and challenge them calmly and rationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are based on genuine risks, make sure you set additional goals to manage these appropriately. For help with evaluating and managing the risks you face, read our Risk Analysis and Management article.
Either way, make that promise!

Tip:
Self-confidence is about balance. At one extreme, we have people with low self-confidence. At the other end, we have people who may be over-confident.
If you are under-confident, you’ll avoid taking risks and stretching yourself; and you might not try at all. And if you’re over-confident, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond your capabilities, and crash badly. You may also find that you’re so optimistic that you don’t try hard enough to truly succeed.
Getting this right is a matter of having the right amount of confidence, founded in reality and on your true ability. With the right amount of self-confidence, you will take informed risks, stretch yourself (but not beyond your abilities) and try hard.
So How Self Confident Are You? Take our short quiz to find out how self-confident you are already, and start looking at specific strategies to improve your confidence level.

Step 2: Setting Out
This is where you start, ever so slowly, moving towards your goal. By doing the right things, and starting with small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the path to success – and start building the self-confidence that comes with this.
Build the Knowledge you Need to Succeed
Looking at your goals, identify the skills you’ll need to achieve them. And then look at how you can acquire these skills confidently and well. Don’t just accept a sketchy, just-good-enough solution – look for a solution, a program or a course that fully equips you to achieve what you want to achieve and, ideally, gives you a certificate or qualification you can be proud of.
Focus on the Basics
When you’re starting, don’t try to do anything clever or elaborate. And don’t reach for perfection – just enjoy doing simple things successfully and well.
Set Small Goals, and Achieve Them
Starting with the very small goals you identified in step 1, get in the habit of setting them, achieving them, and celebrating that achievement. Don’t make goals particularly challenging at this stage, just get into the habit of achieving them and celebrating them. And, little by little, start piling up the successes!
Keep Managing Your Mind
Stay on top of that positive thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying success, and keep those mental images strong. You can also use a technique like Treasure Mapping to make your visualizations even stronger!
And on the other side, learn to handle failure. Accept that mistakes happen when you’re trying something new. In fact, if you get into the habit of treating mistakes as learning experiences, you can (almost) start to see them in a positive light. After all, there’s a lot to be said for the saying “if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger!”
Step 3: Accelerating Towards Success
By this stage, you’ll feel your self-confidence building. You’ll have completed some of the courses you started in step 2, and you’ll have plenty of success to celebrate!
This is the time to start stretching yourself. Make the goals a bit bigger, and the challenges a bit tougher. Increase the size of your commitment. And extend the skills you’ve proven into new, but closely related arenas.

Tip 1:
Keep yourself grounded – this is where people tend to get over-confident and over-stretch themselves. And make sure you don’t start enjoying cleverness for its own sake…
Tip 2:
If you haven't already looked at it, use our How Self Confident Are You? quiz to find out how self-confident you are, and to identify specific strategies for building self-confidence.

As long as you keep on stretching yourself enough, but not too much, you'll find your self-confidence building apace. What's more, you'll have earned your self-confidence – because you’ll have put in the hard graft necessary to be successful!
Goal setting is arguably the most important skill you can learn to improve your self-confidence. If you haven't already read and applied our goal setting article, you can read it here .

Key Points
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, and people who lack it can find it difficult to become successful.
Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem. You can develop self-confidence with these three steps:

Prepare for your journey.
Set out on your journey.
Accelerate towards success.

Goal setting is probably the most important activity that you can learn in order to improve your self-confidence.

Read more…

How self-confident do you feel? Are you full
of it, or do you wish you had more of it?
Whether someone demonstrates self-confidence by being decisive,
trying new things, or staying in control when things get
difficult, a person with high self-confidence seems to live life
with passion and enthusiasm. Other people tend to trust and
respect these confident individuals, which helps them build even
more self-confidence – and so the cycle continues.
However, it’s not always easy to initiate
that cycle. So, where do you begin?
A good place to start is to look at how
effective you believe you are in handling and performing
specific tasks. This is termed 'self-efficacy,' and it plays an important
part in determining your general levels of self-confidence.

Albert Bandura is one of the leading researchers into
self-efficacy. His self-efficacy theory explains the
relationship between the belief in one’s abilities and
how well a person actually performs a task or a range of
actions. Bandura
says that 'self-efficacy' and 'confidence' are not quite
the same thing. Confidence is a general, not a specific,
strength of belief. On the other hand, self-efficacy is
the belief in one's capabilities to achieve something
specific.

If people have high self-efficacy in an area, then they
think, feel, and behave in a way that contributes to and
reinforces their success, and improves their personal
satisfaction. They're more likely to view obstacles as
challenges to overcome, so they aren't afraid to face new
things. They recover quickly from setbacks, because they view
failure more as a result of external circumstances than internal
weaknesses. In general, believing in your abilities affects your
motivation, your choices, your toughness, and your
determination.
Therefore, self-confidence – by way of self-efficacy – often affects how
well you perform, and how satisfied you are with the choices you
make. This is why it's important to understand your current
level of self-efficacy, particularly in the context of your
belief in your ability to perform in a variety of situations. In
so doing, you will be able to identify areas where you can
improve, and make a plan to do so.
Does your self-confidence affect your
ability to perform? Take this short quiz and find out.
How Self-Confident Are You?
Instructions:
For each statement, click the button in the column that best describes you. Please answer questions as you actually are (rather than how you think you should be), and don't worry if some questions seem to score in the 'wrong direction'. When you are finished, please click the 'Calculate My Total' button at the bottom of the test.







   14 Statements to Answer
Not at All
Rarely
Some times
Often
Very Often







1
I tend to do what I think is expected of me, rather than what I believe to be "right."








2
I handle new situations with relative comfort and ease.








3
I feel positive and energized about life.








4
If something looks difficult, I avoid doing it.








5
I keep trying, even after others have given up.








6
If I work hard to solve a problem, I'll find the answer.








7
I achieve the goals I set for myself.








8
When I face difficulty, I feel hopeless and negative.








9
I relate to people who work very hard, and still don't accomplish their goals.








10
People give me positive feedback on my work and achievements.








11
I need to experience success early in a process, or I won't continue.








12
When I overcome an obstacle, I think about the lessons I've learned.








13
I believe that if I work hard, I'll achieve my goals.








14
I have contact with people of similar skills and experience who I consider successful.















Total =  0






Score Interpretation


Score
Comment




14-32
You probably wish you had more self-confidence! Take a closer look at all the things you've achieved in your life. You may tend to focus more on what you don't have, and this takes time and attention away from recognizing and using your skills and talents. Read this article for everyday tips on building your self-confidence. (Read below to start.)


33-51
You're doing an OK job of recognizing your skills, and believing in your abilities. But perhaps you’re a little too hard on yourself, and this may stop you from getting the full benefit of your mastery experiences. Review our tips to find out how to improve your self-confidence. (Read below to start.)


52-70
Excellent! You're doing a fabulous job of learning from every experience, and not allowing obstacles to affect the way you see yourself. But you need to nurture your self-confidence, so use the tips below to ensure that your life remains full of validation and success. (Read below to start.)



Building Self-Confidence
No matter what your self-confidence level is
right now, you can probably improve it. But you need to believe
in yourself and your capabilities before anyone else will.
Bandura's theory of self-efficacy is a great
place to start looking for ways to improve the way you see your
abilities. According to the theory, there are four sources of
self-efficacy:


Mastery experiences – things you have succeeded at in the past.
Vicarious experiences – seeing people who are similar to you succeed.
Social persuasion – hearing from others that you're capable.
Emotional status – staying positive, and managing stress.

Three of these sources (the first, second,
and fourth) are within your control, so we'll look at them more
closely. However, while we can’t force people to say good things
about us (the third source), we can increase the likelihood of
receiving positive feedback by being more confident in general.
Developing Mastery Experiences
(Questions 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 11, 12 and 13)

The more success you experience, the more success you're likely
to enjoy in the future. But if success comes too easily, it
probably won't contribute to your self-confidence. Mastery
experiences are those achievements where you know that it was
your hard work and effort that brought about success.
To enjoy these types of experiences, work on
motivation, toughness, and determination.
Motivation and self-confidence are
connected. When you have more of one, you'll probably have more
of the other. You can generally increase your motivation by
doing the following:

Thinking positively .
Developing effective goals .
Creating a motivating environment.

To examine your motivation level, and learn
specific ways to improve your self-motivation, take our quiz How Self-Motivated Are You? For a great general discussion about resiliency and determination, read The Breaking Point  by our contributing author Bruna Martinuzzi.
Another area to examine is your locus, or central point, of control. To develop mastery, you must believe that your effort led to your success. As such, you need to
believe generally that you’re responsible for your success – not some outside force, like luck or fate. Learn more about your locus of control .
To begin to develop mastery experiences, do the following:

Ask for assignments that will be challenging, but that you can succeed in.
Assess your skills and abilities. A personal SWOT analysis is a useful tool.
Improve your problem solving and decision making skills. This will help create a general feeling of
confidence in the choices you make.
Commit to personal and professional development to
stay current and informed.

Read Building Self-Confidence for more tips on developing a
strong belief in yourself.

Observe Others
(Questions 9, 10, and 14)

An interesting part of Bandura's theory is
the idea that seeing other people's success improves your belief
in yourself. If you view yourself as similar to someone else,
and you see his or her accomplishments, you're likely to apply
that to yourself, and believe that you can achieve similar
success.
The more alike you think you are, the
greater the influence. So, if your boss has a similar education
and work background, it can improve your confidence. If you see
others working hard and succeeding, that can also motivate you
and build your confidence.
The opposite may also be true. If you see
people make great efforts and not achieve anything, that can
hurt your confidence – especially if you think your talents and
abilities are similar to theirs.
Try the following tips:

Network , and surround yourself
with accomplished, successful people.
Seek a mentor who has a background similar to yours.
Learn from those around you. Note what they do that's successful.
Choose to work for companies and industries with growth potential.

Manage Stress
(Questions 3 and 8)

When stress takes over your life, the results
can be harmful. Being good at managing stress, however, can be a
source of confidence: if you believe you can handle anything you
might reasonably face, this can give you energy and a feeling of power. You
can build this kind of positive emotion when you learn how to
control the sources of stress in your life.
If you let stress control you, chances are
you’ll feel very negative. You may interpret the stress as
failure, which can lead to more stress and negative thinking.
To be confident, you must be positive. Face
stressful situations directly, and learn strategies for managing
them.
To manage stress better, try these ideas:

Learn to be optimistic .
Discover whether you're a positive or negative thinker by taking our quiz. Then make the changes you need.
Learn key stress management techniques to understand stress, and protect yourself against it.


Key Points
Self-efficacy is an important part of self-confidence.
The theory of self-efficacy says that high levels of
it lead, by way of improved effectiveness, to greater success and personal
satisfaction.
Some people seem to be naturally confident, but
most of us need to improve our confidence – and we have the
power to do so.
Focus on the experiences in your life where
you were successful. This can give you the ability to see the
positive side of your mistakes and setbacks. Choose to believe in yourself, and
surround yourself with other positive and confident people. The
more you see the success of others whose skills and abilities
are similar to yours, the more likely you are to believe that
you can also achieve that success. Combine all of this positive
energy with great stress management strategies, and you’ll
soon improve your levels of personal confidence.

Read more…

Do you often wake up in the mornings feeling
more tired than when you went to bed?
Do you regularly wake up
during the night for no apparent reason?
Or do you have trouble
getting off to sleep in the first place?
Poor-quality sleep can quickly lead to reduced performance at
work from reduced concentration, poor memory and diminished motivation,
impaired judgment and irritability. Lack of sleep can also cause
the body to crave high-calorie foods, potentially leading to weight
gain. All of these side-effects can increase stress which, in
turn can adversely affect your sleep and work.
If you are one of the millions of people who occasionally suffer
poor quality sleep, and you want to feel more rested, alert and
ready to go, then the good news is that you can improve the
quality of your sleep and so maximize your work performance.

Tip:
If you have more serious difficulties sleeping or are constantly
tired, you may have a sleep disorder that requires medical
attention. The web site www.sleepeducation.com does a great job explaining sleep
disorders. If you are concerned about your sleep problems,
you should, of course, consult a medical expert.

What affects the quality of your sleep?
Good quality sleep is an uninterrupted stretch
of roughly 7-8 hours, during which your mind and body rest and
recuperate, ready for whatever the next day brings. Some people
need as little as 5 hours, and some as much as 10 hours, but the
norm is 7-8 hours for most adults.
The quality of your sleep is affected if it's interrupted. Two
periods of four hours sleep, even quite close together, are not as
beneficial as a solid 7-8-hour stretch.
Getting uninterrupted sleep is obviously a challenge for parents
of young children. However, others may have more control over
their routine. So many factors can affect whether your sleep is
interrupted – from external things like noise and light, to personal
factors like snoring, or what (and when) you have eaten. The secret
is to find out what factors affect your sleep and control the
ones that you can. We have some resources and tips to help you
do that later in the article.
Just as interruptions to sleep affect its quality, so do irregular
sleeping patterns: Changing your bedtime or waking time can play
havoc with your body clock. Shift workers are the extreme example;
they have to change their sleeping pattern regularly to fit with
their shifts, and so they have to work harder to get good-quality
sleep. It is hard to find the same levels of darkness and quietness
during the day, and as our natural rhythm is to respond to natural
daylight and darkness, shift workers have to contend with this
issue every time they change shifts. For more help on shift
work-related sleep problems , the Sleep Foundation has information
and advice on how to cope.
Regular day time workers may find that they are also affected by
changes in sleep patterns at the weekends. The body takes a few
days to adjust to a new pattern of sleeping and waking. So people
who like to sleep till noon at the weekend but then party the
night away may find that their bodies have just about worked out
how to do this by Monday morning, and so they find it a real
struggle to get to work on time!
Jet lag is another well-recognized affect of changing sleep
patterns, which occurs when you travel across several time zones.
When traveling across time zones, your body clock gets confused by
the levels of light and darkness at different times of days.

Did you know that jet lag hits harder
when traveling west to east rather then vice versa? So a
traveler from North America to Europe will usually suffer
greater effects of jet lag on the outward (east bound) journey
than on the return home. This is because our bodies cope
better with extending the day, than with reducing it.

A traveler from New York to London, for example, is more
likely to suffer jet lag when he reduces his day by 5 hours
on the outbound journey, than when he extends his day by 5
hours on the way home.

For more information on jet lag, British
Airways has some good information, and also a neat little Jet Lag Advisor to help you work out when to avoid daylight,
and when to seek it.

How well do you sleep?
The
first step to a better night's sleep (and a better day's work) is
to evaluate how well you are sleeping at the moment. When it comes
to getting a good, uninterrupted night's sleep there are a great
many factors to consider. Take a look at www.sleepeducation.com for some more detail on these.
A good way to work out how what affects you is to keep a sleep
diary. This will help you identify the factors that you can control.
If you do find your sleep problems needs medical attention, it
can give your medical adviser full information on which to base
his or her recommendations.

To evaluate you sleep habits further, we also recommend a couple
of online tests that help you do this. (The first test is provided
by the better health site of the government of Victoria,
Australia, and the second is at www.sleepnet.com ):

The Sleeping Habits Quiz .
The Sleep Test .

Changes for a better night's sleep
Once you have analyzed how well your sleep, and especially if you
have kept a sleep diary, you will start to see things that you can
control for your better night's sleep. Do you sleep better when
you eat earlier, or avoid a certain type of food? Do you sleep
better when you go to bed 30 minutes later than usual or vice
versa? Write these down and start to make those changes to you
habits and routine.
Here are some tips to consider when you are planning the changes
you need to make:

Ensure that your bedroom is neither too hot nor too cold, and is
quiet
Make sure your mattress and pillows are comfortable
Avoid tea, coffee and other drinks that contain
caffeine before you go to bed (some people find it difficult
to sleep if they drink coffee as early as 4pm)
Also avoid alcohol – it may make you fall asleep, but it can
affect how deeply you sleep and so you may wake up during the
night or simply have poor quality sleep
Don't eat within two hours of going to bed
Don't exercise strenuously before going to
bed, but do exercise during the day so you are physically as
well as mentally tired.
Do things that help you to relax before going to bed, such as
taking a warm bath, doing some gentle yoga, or using aromatherapy

Working on a regular sleep routine (when this is in your control) can also help:

Try to go to sleep and get up at the same
time every day. This will help to "set" your body clock, and
"teach" your body to go to sleep at the same time too.
Avoid naps during the day
Try not to get stressed by not being able
to sleep as this just makes the situation worse. If you wake
up during the night, get out of bed and do something relaxing
until you feel sleepy again.

Read more…

A key facet of long-term stress
is the way that people can sustain intense levels of stress for a
while, but then burn out.
Burnout is
something that typically affects people who are highly committed to
the work they do, probably much like you. When these people are
faced by a stressful situation, more-often-than-not they respond
with complete commitment, by working intensely hard at resolving it.
To do this, they will work all hours, cancel vacations, and cut back
on sleep, all to make more time to tackle the problem.
If this is short-lived, then negative effects will be minimal and
success will often be spectacular. If this hard work is sustained
for a long time without relief, these people increasingly risk
burnout.

Rest and Relaxation
Rest is what we do to let stress subside. Rest
at the end of a day, and at the end of a week, helps us to calm
down.
Doing fun things that we enjoy in our leisure time compensates us
for the unpleasant stress we experience at work, bringing some
balance back into life. This is particularly important if we
routinely experience unpleasant levels of stress.
A good way of getting rest and reducing long-term stress is to take
up an enjoyable, non-rushed sport or hobby. If you spend all your
working day competing, then can be very pleasant to be completely
noncompetitive for some of your free time. Slow physical activities
such as sailing or walking are good for this, as are others where
there is little or no pressure for performance. Reading novels,
watching television or socializing can also be very restful.
Vacations are particularly important, and you really do need to take
these. Where possible, take two weeks off rather than just one week.
A common observation that people make is that they really do not
start to relax properly until the end of their first week of
vacation.
Make sure that you take your vacations and that you use them to
relax. Also, make sure that you get enough good quality rest during
the week to keep on enjoying life to its fullest.
Sleep
On average, people need eight hours sleep a night (although this can
vary between three hours and eleven hours, depending on the person
and his or her age).
If we are regularly short of sleep, then our concentration and our
effectiveness suffer and our energy levels decline. We have all
experienced this.

This diminishes our effectiveness in our job, and can therefore
increase stress. As our concentration wanders, we start to make
mistakes. As our energy declines, we become less proactive in what
we do, reducing our control over events. This means that a situation
that is already difficult and stressful can become worse, needing
even more sacrifice to bring it back under control.
Make sure that you get enough sleep. If you have become used to
being tired all the time, you will be amazed by how sharp and
energetic you will feel once you start sleeping normally.
Warning: Stress can cause severe health problems and, in extreme
cases, can cause death. While these stress management techniques
have been shown to have a positive effect on reducing stress, they
are for guidance only, and readers should take the advice of
suitably qualified health professionals if they have any concerns
over stress-related illnesses or if stress is causing significant or
persistent unhappiness. Health professionals should also be
consulted before any major change in diet or levels of exercise.

Read more…

You had a challenging, productive, and
sometimes stressful day at the office.
You then battled traffic to
make it home.
Now you need to put your mind at ease, recharge your
battery, and refresh yourself so you can do the whole thing again
tomorrow.
Yet the house is a mess, the kids are restive, and your partner
wants to know what you're cooking for dinner (yes, it's your
turn!)
Or perhaps things at home are relatively calm, but your mind is
anything but. Try as you might, you just can't stop turning over
the day's events – and obsessing about tomorrow's challenges. Your
evening leisure hours have been stolen by work thoughts – and
before you know it, it will be time to go back.
If either of these scenarios describes your after-work evenings
and weekends, you might need to work a little harder at something
that seems like it should come easy: Taking a well-earned breather
after a long day at the office.
Like most other tasks, relaxation is a skill – one that repays the
effort of learning it. Mastering the art of relaxation off the job
can make you more rested, focused, energetic – and successful – on it.
Does relaxing really matter?
If you're having trouble resting your mind away from the office,
you already know it. But what are the consequences? Here are just
some of the troubles the tired and relaxation-challenged face at
work:

Difficulty concentrating.
Bad moods and rising workplace conflict.
A lack of new ideas or fresh insights.
A loss of enthusiasm for, and enjoyment of, their jobs.

Combined, these unfortunate tendencies can highjack the
highest-flying career. Learning to chill might be your most urgent
task!

Tip:
With all the other demands on our time, relaxation can
seem a low priority – even an indulgence. Fight this
attitude: If work is not to turn into an exhausting hard
grind, relaxation is key to your success and your overall
happiness. Learn to prioritize off-work fun – and take it
seriously!

How to Relax
We suggest a three-pronged approach to relaxing after work,
involving your body and mind, your home environment and what you
do in your time off. It may take you a little while to will set
everything up for relaxing after work, but once you have you'll be
able to enjoy your "down time" more as well as recharging your
batteries so that you're raring to go the next morning.
Relaxation techniques

Start by reading our article on deep breathing, progressive
muscular relaxation and the relaxation response to learn how to
relax your body. And take a look at the relaxation techniques
section of our stress site for some other useful techniques.

Although relaxation is important, your body can only be truly
prepared for the next day if it gets the amount of sleep it needs.
Our article on Getting a good night's sleep offers several tips to
help you increase the quality of your sleep without needing to
spend any longer in bed.
Taking the stress out of your home environment

Clean your house, free your mind: If your relaxation problems stem
from a stressful home life, you probably need to focus on making
your house a calm haven. This will take some up-front energy – the
actual act of changing habits may not be particularly relaxing –
but it has potential to pay serious mind-clearing dividends.
The first step is to consider your messiness level; most people
find it hard to relax in a chaotic home. When you arrive from a
long day at work, are there dishes piled up? Are clothes strewn
throughout the bedroom? Adopt a house rule common to restaurant
kitchens the world over: Clean as you go.

Tip 1:
The old-fashioned saying "A place for everything and
everything in it's place" has a lot going for it. This goes
for dirty clothes and used crockery and utensils too: Ensure
there is a hamper in every bedroom and a place to stack
dirty plates and cups so that no one in the house has any excuse for leaving these lying around.
Tip 2:
If your house is tidy but still seems cluttered, perhaps
you've just got too much "stuff"! Consider getting rid of
things you don't need.
Tip 3:
If you can afford it, consider hiring a maid or cleaner.
Would you rather spend 5 or 6 hours a week cleaning and
ironing, when you could spend that same precious time doing
something that really uses your talents?

Much depends on dinner: Modern life has made
dinner both a challenge and an opportunity. It's a challenge
because modern working and commuting have made it difficult to
share a leisurely, well-cooked home meal with family and friends.
Yet it's an opportunity because there are multiple time-saving
options for the evening meal.
One strategy for maximizing relaxation is to plan dinners for the
week ahead. If this seems excessive, stop for a moment, and think
about what you're doing from a project management perspective.
You're sourcing materials, and creating deliverables for three or
four people over a seven day period to a fixed schedule. Would you
do this at work without planning ahead?
A plan like this opens time and headspace for real relaxation. As
with your to-do list at work, keeping everything in your head is
stressful. Once you've got it down on paper, you no longer need to
remember every detail. Your mind can relax!

Tip:
Everyone has to eat, but food preparation can be drudgery.
One solution is to use convenience fare, although you
sacrifice some flavor and nutritional value. Another option
is to make cooking your hobby – and making eating an art.
The cookery book market is awash with excellent tomes on
everything from French cuisine to Asian street fare. Have
fun exploring them!

Engaging your mind

So, now your body is calm, you've sorted out housework and brought
dinner to heel. What do you do with all the time you've opened up?
The trick is to find a way to engage your mind, to take it away from work, so you can be more present at work when you go back.
For many people, the fast-and-easy way to forget work is to
self-medicate with alcohol. But this solution muddles rather than
clears the mind, and will return you to work feeling depleted, not
refreshed. What's more, in excess, it can damage your health.
Here are some better alternatives:

Indulge in a hobby.
Many of us have interests we've been too busy for years now to
develop. But there's no more healthy way to take your minds off of
work than immersing yourself in some fascinating pursuit.
Do you love to be outside during the warm months? Try your hand at
gardening, even if it's just in planters on your balcony. Have an
eye for design? Take woodworking lessons and make your dream
chair. Learn to create gourmet meals through cookery books or by
taking a class. Take up a musical instrument. Do some volunteer
work. The trick is to find something you love doing, and then –
within your time and budget – throw yourself into it.
Be a connoisseur.
Sure, overindulging in drink has its obvious problems. But
enjoying an after-work tipple is a time-honored practice, and it
can be reasonably healthy when done in moderation. So why not take it
one level higher, and really learn to appreciate the subtleties of
wine, beer, whiskey, and other alcoholic beverages?
Get to know your wine merchant – and seek his advice. Once you
develop your palate and learn what you love, consider starting a
collection. If fine wine seems too pricy for your budget, think
beer. The trick here is to make your daily tipple an event – an
experience that unites mind and body through contemplation of
sensory pleasure.
Take up a sport.
Exercise offers all manner of opportunity to clear our minds and
take them off work. For many, though, modern exercise machines are
tedious – devices that enforce repetition and never let us forget
we're exercising. For people with this mindset, an organized sport
might prove the way forward. Team sports work the body to the
maximum while requiring the mind's full attention – a complete
diversion.
If you didn't learn to play a particular sport as a kid, but are
intrigued by it anyway, consider taking a class. Many community
colleges offer adult classes in everything from indoor rowing to
fencing.
Look to the East.
If exercise machines and competitive sports don't do it for you,
you might look to Eastern forms of relaxation: Yoga, tai chi,
martial arts, and meditation. In Eastern philosophies, mind and
body represent a union, not two separate entities. More and more
over-committed, stressed-out Westerners are turning to the Eastern
traditions to combine exercise and relaxation.
Yoga studios have popped up seemingly everywhere, making it more
convenient than ever. Yoga comes in a variety of styles and
difficulty levels. The Chinese practice of tai chi is a more
contemplative, slower option, while martial arts like Tai Kwon Do
are more vigorous and athletic. Anyone who struggles with Western
form of exercise and sports should experiment with these
increasingly accessible options.



Key Points
Relaxing in your leisure time is an important factor in your
success at work. More importantly, it can be what makes life fun!
But to get the most out of this precious commodity, you need to
set a few ground rules and plan what you want to do.
First, use physical techniques to relax your body after work and
clear it of tension and adrenaline.
Next, adopt habits at home that mean you're not coming back to a
messy environment after work, and consider decluttering, if
there's still too much mess.
Then, work out a system for evening meals which means that cooking
and eating becomes an enjoyable social activity, or at least a
quick and efficient process.
Finally, fill the extra time these approaches create by spending
time on a rewarding activity that will take your mind off work.

Read more…

Imagine that you're having a particularly stressful day, and everything seems to be going wrong.
You have a number of important deadlines due, several members of your team have called in sick, and you've just found out that you have to make a presentation to the board – tomorrow.
When you have to deal with situations like these, your heart may race, your breathing may become fast and shallow, and you could even feel that you can't cope with the task at hand. These feelings are the result of your body going through sudden changes as it prepares to deal with a perceived threat – this is the famous "fight-or-flight" response.
All of us experience this occasionally, and, for some, it can be a regular occurrence. While a small amount of pressure can help you focus and improve your performance, too much short-term stress hinders your ability to work well. This is why it's useful to know some techniques that can help you relax.
You can use these techniques whenever you're feeling stressed or tense. For example, you can use them to relax before a presentation or performance; you can use them to clear your mind, so that you can solve problems creatively; or you can use them to compose yourself before a job interview. Using these techniques regularly can help you to maintain a relaxed and calm state of mind.
In this article, we'll look at deep breathing, progressive muscular relaxation, and centering – three physical techniques that can help you reduce muscle tension and manage the effects of your body's fight-or-flight response. This is particularly important if you need to think clearly and perform well when you're under pressure.

Warning:
Stress can cause severe health problems and, in extreme cases, even death. While these stress management techniques have been shown to have a positive effect on reducing stress, they are for guidance only. You should take the advice of suitably qualified health professionals if you have any concerns over stress-related illnesses, or if stress is causing you significant or persistent unhappiness.

Deep Breathing
Deep breathing is a simple but effective method of relaxation. It is a core component of yoga and Zen meditation, as well as of the common approach of taking "10 deep breaths" to calm down. It works well in conjunction with other relaxation techniques – such as progressive muscular relaxation, relaxation imagery, and meditation – to reduce stress.

Many people spend much of their time breathing very shallowly, filling only the upper part of their chest with air. This shallow breathing limits the amount of oxygen that your body takes in, and it can also make you feel very anxious in times of stress. By contrast, deep breathing can decrease stress, lower your blood pressure, and slow your heart rate.
Deep breathing – also called diaphragmatic, or belly breathing – takes place when, instead of just breathing with your ribs, you breathe so that your lower belly expands.
When you breathe in this way, your diaphragm moves downward and pulls your lungs along with it. At the same time, it presses against your internal organs to make room for your expanding lungs. When you breathe out, your diaphragm pushes upward, helping your lungs expel carbon dioxide.
It's easy to start practicing deep breathing techniques. All you need to do is sit comfortably, take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, and focus on what feels like filling your lower belly with air.
Progressive Muscular Relaxation
Progressive muscular relaxation, or PMR, is useful for relaxing your body when your muscles are tense.
The idea behind PMR is that you tense up a group of muscles, so that they're tightly contracted. Hold them in a state of extreme tension for a few seconds, and then relax the muscles normally. Then, consciously relax your muscles even more. This process of moving from intense tension to deep muscular relaxation helps interrupt your body's fight-or-flight response when you're experiencing fear or stress.
Here are a few examples of ways to engage in progressive muscular relaxation. Hold each position for five seconds, and then relax. You might also find it helpful to breathe out slowly as you relax each pose, or even to whisper the word "relax" as you release your muscles.

Raise your eyebrows as high as you can.
Close your eyes as tightly as possible and keep them shut for five seconds.
Open your mouth as wide as possible, as if you're yawning.
Hold your arms in front of you and clench your fists as tightly as possible.
Pull your shoulder muscles up toward your ears.
Bend your arms and tense your biceps as tightly as possible.
As you sit, pull your legs together and push your thighs together, tightening the thigh muscles as you push inward.
Tighten your abdominal muscles.
Curl your toes downwards as much as possible.

What you'll find is that when you tense your muscles first, it's easier, then, to relax these muscles completely. When you try to relax your muscles without tensing them, you'll find that they don't relax as thoroughly.
Centering
Centering was developed from the Japanese martial art of Aikido. (Literally translated, "Aikido" means "the way of unifying life energy.") It's a method that you can use to channel nervous energy, increase your concentration, and remain stable and grounded in a stressful situation; and it combines physical and mental approaches to relaxation.
There are three basic steps that you can follow to become centered:

Be aware of your breathing.
Focus on your breathing. Breathe deeply and slowly, using your abdomen.
Find your center.
This is your physical center of gravity, which is usually just below your waist. Focusing on your center grounds you, and reminds you that you have balance and control when you start to feel stressed. Once you've found your center, focus your mind on it, and breathe deeply at least five times.
Release your negative energy.
Visualize all of your negative energy collecting in your center, and then moving up towards your eyes. Then, picture yourself thrusting all of this negative energy away from you, leaving youself feeling calm and quiet.

It can take some practice to learn how to use centering, so it's a good idea to become familiar with it before you need to use it. You can find out more about it in our article on the technique.
Increasing the Effectiveness of These Techniques
As we looked at with centering, above, you can relax even more intensely by using mental techniques alongside physical ones.
In particular, you can use imagery to lower stress by imagining a peaceful, relaxing place – this works particularly well with deep breathing. You can also use physical techniques in conjunction with affirmations ; these are positive thoughts that can help you change your thinking and attitude, and become more positive.
Lastly, regular exercise will also help you reduce your stress levels. Try to fit exercise into your day during your lunch break, after work, or even while you're at work.
For example, don't sit too long at your desk; get up and stretch, or go for a quick walk. Move around when you're on your lunch break, stand when you're on the phone, or visit a colleague in person, instead of using instant messaging or email. Any movement that you can work into your day will help to keep your energy up and your stress levels down.

Key Points
Deep breathing, progressive muscular relaxation, and centering are three useful techniques that you can use to relax your body and manage stress.
These techniques are particularly helpful for handling nerves prior to an important presentation or performance, and for helping you concentrate. However, you'll likely achieve the most relaxed state by using physical and mental techniques together.

Read more…

Many people are raised with the belief that if you get good grades in school, get a degree from a good university, and then secure a good job, then you'll be happy.
Sounds pretty familiar, right?
The problem is that, sometimes, this approach to life doesn't make people happy.
Sure, they might have a wonderful family, a good job and a lovely home, but they are still dissatisfied with life and are searching for something else. No matter how hard they work, or how much money they earn, they still feel unfulfilled.
However, when we experience true happiness, our life takes on a joyful luster and vividness. We're fulfilled and productive in what we do, we accomplish our goals, and our lives have meaning and purpose.
So how can we find this type of happiness?
According to Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, leading researcher and author of the book " Happier ," we need to learn how to live for today and for tomorrow at the same time. Only when we find the right balance can we achieve our goals, and live the life we've always imagined.
In this article, we'll explore Tal Ben-Shahar's Happiness Model, and explain how you can use the model to bring more happiness to your own life.
The Model Explained
According to Ben-Shahar's model, there are four archetypes that people can exhibit in the way they live. These are:

Nihilism.
Hedonism.
"Rat Racing."
Happiness.

As you can see in Figure 1 (below), the model is divided into four quadrants. The horizontal axis represents current detriments and current benefits, and the vertical axis represents future detriments and future benefits. (As an example, "staying late at work" is an action that creates a current detriment, but – you hope – delivers a future benefit. As such, it falls in the top left quadrant.)
Each quadrant represents one of Ben-Shahar's archetypes, and each of these archetypes reflects a different combination of present happiness and future benefit.



Let's look at each archetype in greater detail.
Nihilism
Nihilism falls in the bottom left hand quadrant of the Happiness Model.
Nihilists are people who have given up hope of finding meaning in life. Nihilists don't enjoy any present happiness, nor do they have any sense of purpose or hope for the future. As a result, they're "resigned to their fate."
Example: Jim has worked his entire life as a supervisor in the same industry. He's unhappy in his job, and at this point in his career, he's given up on the idea that he'll ever receive another raise.
Not only is Jim unhappy with his current state, but he has no belief that things will change anytime soon. As a result, he's unwilling to work hard to change things.
Hedonism
Hedonism falls in the lower right hand quadrant of the model.
Hedonists focus on present happiness only, and give little thought to future consequences. They may think that "working hard" is painful and tedious, and may avoid this.
As a result, hedonists feel unchallenged, and are often unfulfilled.
Example: Maggie has worked as a temp for years. She flits from one organization to the next, thriving on learning a new role and getting to know new colleagues. But once she has gotten comfortable in the new organization, she quickly becomes bored with her tasks and her colleagues. So, she asks for a transfer.
Although Maggie's life is fun and easy, she's unhappy because she never really accomplishes anything. She has no future goals, nor does she have any purpose to her life.
Rat Race
The Rat Race falls in the upper left hand quadrant of the model. In the Rat Race, we detrimentally put off present happiness in the hope of some future benefit.
This archetype is likely the most familiar to many of us. Here, people constantly pursue goals that they think will make them happy. When those goals are achieved, however, a new goal (and the accompanying stress and anxiety) almost immediately takes its place. While Rat Racers may experience brief flashes of satisfaction when they achieve goals, any thought of present happiness is then quickly pushed to the side.

Example: Carl worked extremely hard through high school, taking advanced placement courses so he could get into a top-notch university (which is what his parents always told him he had to do to succeed). When he got to college, he did a degree in business (when he would've preferred to major in theater), and put off trips and nights out with his friends so he could study.
When Carl graduated, he had numerous job offers thanks to his good grades and past internships. Although he knew he should be happy at his success, he wasn't. He took a job with the largest firm, and started his new career. He continued to work hard, but every promotion and raise he received only added more stress and unhappiness to his life.
Happiness
The Happiness archetype falls in the upper right quadrant of the model. This archetype reflects a good balance between present happiness and future benefits.
According to Ben-Shahar, we achieve happiness when we're able to enjoy both the journey and the destination that we're moving towards. We've learned
how to set goals
that are meaningful, but we don't focus exclusively on achieving them at the expense of everything else. We focus on today's pleasures, as well as our dreams and goals.
Example: Joan just transferred to a new department in her organization, and she's excited about the role she's taking on. She loves the company, and finds her work meaningful and rewarding. This is the kind of organization she can see herself being a part of for the rest of her life.
Although the option is there for her to work 80-hours a week, Joan has politely but firmly told her boss that she's unable to put in these kinds of hours: spending time with her family is extremely important to her, and she's committed to devoting time for this. She works a reasonable number of extra hours ("no successful business was ever built working 9 to 5"), but, by and large, Joan is home every night for dinner. She's achieved a perfect balance in her career: she's there for her family, and engaged in a challenging and rewarding career.
Using the Model
Dr. Ben-Shahar says that it's impossible for us to feel constantly happy all the time. Sometimes, we do have to put off present happiness for important future gains; for instance, when we have to stay late at work to finish an important project.
It's also sometimes important to focus on present pleasures, as a hedonist does. For instance, lying on the beach or watching TV can not only rest and rejuvenate us, but these pleasurable activities can also bring happiness into our life.
The point, however, is to spend as much time as possible engaged in activities that give us both present and future benefits.
What's most useful about the Happiness Model is that it can be used as a window into our life. For instance, look at the four quadrants. Where do you spend the majority of your time?
Are you living a Rat Race life, pursuing future goals at the expense of your present happiness? Or are you living more as a Hedonist, avoiding challenging goals in order to pursue daily pleasures, with no thought to future growth or development?
Or, do you feel that you've achieved happiness? Are you taking pleasure in today, as well as focusing your efforts on pursuing longer-term goals?
We can use the Happiness Model to assess where we are in our current life. If we're not in the right quadrant of the model, we can start today making changes that will create more balance in our life.




Note:
To explain this model, Ben-Shahar uses the analogy of eating different types of hamburger. "Nihilistic hamburgers" taste bad and leave you feeling ill. Hedonistic hamburgers taste great, but make you fat. Rat race hamburgers are boring but are good for you; while happiness burgers are healthy and taste great!
This is why Ben-Shahar calls this model "The Hamburger Model."


Key Points
The Happiness Model was developed by Harvard professor, Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, and published in his book, "Happier."
The Happiness Model defines four happiness archetypes. These are:

Nihilism – Nihilists have lost the joy in life. They derive no present pleasure in their work or life, and expect no future benefits or rewards. They've "given up."
Hedonism – Hedonists live for the moment. They pursue pleasure and an easy life, and give little or no thought to future consequences and plans.
Rat Racing – The Rat Race archetype often sacrifices current pleasures and benefits in anticipation of some future reward.
Happiness – True happiness is achieved when there is a perfect balance between present pleasure and future benefits.

We can use the Happiness Model to shed light on the life we're living now, and the life that we wish we were living. The power to change always lies within us!

Read more…

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, and hell of heaven.
– John Milton, English poet
We all want to be happy in our lives, and we all want to experience "well-being."
However, people often disagree about what well-being involves. Some say that you need to live an honest, positive life. Others believe that you achieve it by doing rewarding, challenging, or enjoyable work. Still others equate it with living according to your core values, while also focusing on your spiritual and emotional development.
The point is that well-being is subjective – we all have different ideas about what it means to live a fulfilling life. There is no one "correct" path to achieving a state of well-being. (Although there may be many incorrect paths!)
In this article, we'll examine the concept of "subjective well-being." We'll discuss what it means, why it's important, and how you can use the ideas behind it to experience well-being in your own life.
About Subjective Well-Being
Subjective well-being describes how you, as an individual, think about your own state of happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
This state of well-being goes far deeper than merely being happy – it encompasses your health, career, emotional and spiritual development, family life, relationships with friends, income, and more.
Noted researcher, Dr. Ed Diener, says that there are three major things that contribute to subjective well-being. These are:
Lacking negative emotions and moods.
Having pleasant emotions and moods.
Experiencing satisfaction – this can be from things such as your car or home, through to your relationships, or even to your life as a whole. (Diener calls these "satisfaction judgments.")

Diener says that other factors, such as optimism and feelings of fulfillment, can also affect how you feel about your life.
He says that the importance you place on all of these elements is likely to change over the course of your life. For instance, younger people often say that family, income, and employment are important components in their well-being, while older people are more likely to rate health, freedom, and leisure as things that are most important to them.
There's no single key for achieving high subjective well-being because it's... subjective. Rather, you should view it as a something that involves many different ingredients, which change as you go through life.
How to Have High Subjective Well-Being
You can increase your likelihood of having high subjective well-being by doing the following things:
Define Your Core Values
When you live in accordance with your personal ideals, you feel good about yourself. You can rest easy at the end of each day, because you know you didn't compromise on the things that you know are right.
So, take time to discover your values . Then, make an effort to live each day according to these values.
Create Job Satisfaction
All of us have a different idea of what it takes to make us happy. One person might define happiness as having a secure job earning a lot of money. Others might be more satisfied in a role that allows them to telecommute and work flexible hours, even if they earn less.
Because you spend so much time at work, it's important to have job satisfaction , however you define it. Do you want work that's challenging? Do you want more variety?

Take time to identify what gives you the most pleasure in your work, and think about what you could do to bring more enjoyment to what you do. You can then use job crafting techniques to bring these things to your job.
Work With Purpose
Similarly, many people think that it's important that their work helps other people.
It's obvious how some jobs make a positive difference to other people. Where this is less obvious, however, you can find meaning by helping someone else, in some way, every day.
This doesn't have to be a big thing: you could lend a listening ear to a co-worker who's having a bad time, or help a colleague who's behind on work. These may be small acts, but they can make a big difference to someone else's life. They will also have a powerful effect on your own sense of well-being.
Live a Healthy Life
Your health is another important contributor to subjective well-being. People who are physically healthy have more energy during the day; they're also happier, and better able to deal with stress and other challenges.
Find ways to fit exercise into your schedule . Get plenty of sleep, and stay hydrated during the day by drinking plenty of water. Also, do whatever you can to lower your stress levels .
Build Positive Relationships
Having close, trusting relationships is a factor in high subjective well-being that transcends age, gender, and culture.
Make sure that you're spending enough time developing good relationships. This might include leaving work at a set time one evening a week to spend time with your family, or resolving to keep in touch with old friends.
It also needs to include building good work relationships . You can do this by showing your appreciation for others, by working on your emotional intelligence , and by spending quality time with colleagues and clients.
Think Positively
Your attitude plays a major role in how you feel about your life.
For instance, one person might routinely engage in self-sabotage . To her, nothing is ever good enough, and she always starts a task believing that she's going to fail.
Another person might be the exact opposite. She believes in the work she does, and she's always striving to do better. She takes action on her dreams, and she's not afraid of challenges, because she sees them as opportunities to grow and learn.
Which of these two people do you think is more satisfied with her life?
Our thoughts have a major impact on our life: they influence the choices we make and the actions we take (or don't take). This is why it's so important to develop the habit of positive thinking .

Tip:
The idea of subjective well-being contrasts with an approach such as that of the PERMA Model , which takes a more structured approach to bringing well-being and happiness to your life. Explore both of these approaches, and choose the one that makes sense to you.


Key Points
"Subjective well-being" is a term that refers to the way that you think about your own state of happiness and fulfillment.
People who experience a high level of subjective well-being in their life are happier, more creative, and more productive. They have better relationships, and they're often healthier and more successful than people who aren't satisfied with their life.
You can achieve high subjective well-being in your life by concentrating on the following areas:

Defining your core values.
Creating job satisfaction.
Working with purpose.
Living a healthy life.
Establishing positive relationships.
Thinking positively.

Remember, everyone defines happiness and well-being differently. It's important to use your own judgment and pursue the areas that are most meaningful for you.

Read more…

Just as we move through different stages in our life, so we also move through different stages in our career.
And just as demands for our time in our personal life can vary, so can demands at work.
When peaks of demand in one area match troughs in another, life can be good.
However, when demands are in synch we can experience dissatisfaction, stress, anxiety, depression and a whole host of other ills. This makes it important to find an appropriate balance between your career and your life.
In 1980, Donald Super introduced a theory that
describes career development in terms of Life Stages and Life Roles. Super's original work on career development began in the
1930s and he wrote his defining book, The Psychology of Careers ,
in 1957. He modified his theories in 1980 to account for the fact
that people were no longer continuing on a straight path of career
development.

Super called this theory the "Life Career
Rainbow". The Life Career Rainbow represented in this article
is adapted from Super's work to further take account of modern
career life patterns.

Here, we look at how you can use the Life Career
Rainbow to find the work/life balance that suits you at this stage
of your life and career.

Understanding the Model

The Life Career Rainbow (see figure 1 below)
helps us think about the different roles we play at different
times in our life.
"Life Roles" are represented by the
colored bands of the rainbow, shown in the diagram below. Age
is shown by the numbers around the edge of the rainbow. And the
amount of time typically taken with each life role is described
by the size of the dots in that colored band of the rainbow.
Figure 1: The Life Career Rainbow




Tip:
Note that we use the word "typically" above –
this is the pattern that most people find suits the way
they want to live their lives. This may or may not suit
you and your circumstances.

Before moving on to see how to build your Life
Career Rainbow, let's make sure we understand Super's Life Roles:
Eight Life Roles
1. Child – This is the time
and energy you spend relating to your parents. The role begins
at birth and continues until both parents are deceased, often
into your 50s or 60s. You spend a great deal of time in this role
early on which decreases over time until the parents become elderly.
At this time, there is often a surge in time and attention spent
caring for elderly parents.
2. Student – You can become
a student starting as early as three or four (depending on culture.)
The student role usually continues until at least the age of 16,
although it is now common to see students in their early 20s in
many countries. People are also increasingly engaging in masters
programs or participating in career training or further education
throughout life.
3. Leisurite – This is a word
created by Super to describe the time people spend pursuing leisure
activities. Many people tend to spend more time on leisure as
a child or adolescent, and after they have retired.
4. Citizen – This describes
the time and energy spent working for the community, with time
spent in non-paid volunteer work. People often engage in this
as their children get older and they have more free time available.
5. Worker – This is the time you spend in paid employment.
6. Parent – This role describes
the time spent raising children and looking after them. The parent
role is usually significant until children reach their mid-teens
but, with many grown children staying at home during higher education
or moving back home as adults, the parent role can continue at
a relatively high level for quite a while after this.
7. Spouse – This role represents
the time and energy spent in a committed relationship. It also
includes activities that keep the union strong.
8. Home-maker – In this role,
people are expending time and energy on maintaining their home:
cooking, cleaning, repairing and shopping. This role typically
starts as soon as a person leaves his or her parents' home. (Note
that there are no gender associations with the home-maker role.)

Life Stages:
When Super developed his model, people's lives tended to move through five clearly defined "Life Stages", which were a major feature of the model. Today, people's careers tend to follow a less predictable pattern, so if you want to use the Life Stage idea (which may or may not be appropriate) we recommend you adjust them to fit the pattern of your own life.
Super's stages were:
1. Growth (ages 14 and under) – This Life Stages focuses on physical growth, and is a time when people begin to form ideas about their self-worth. During this time people start discover many of their interests, talents, and abilities.
2. Exploration (typical age range 14 – 25) – This stage is when people start learning about the different types of work available and what is required to be successful in different careers. During exploration, the more you learn, the more committed you become to a few of the choices and you start to narrow the field to those types of jobs you would like to pursue. Near the end of the exploration stage you will (ideally!) have analyzed the career options against your personal skills, talents and interests as well as your expectations from a career (salary, hours, benefits, opportunity for advancement.)

(Explained like this, it sounds like a well-thought-through process. In reality it is not, which means we often make "quirky" career choices. While your first experience with this stage happens usually between the ages of 14 and 25, it is increasingly likely you will return to this stage at least once later in your life as you think through your choices again, hopefully in a more rational and considered way.)
3. Establishment (typical age range 26 – 45) – This Life Stage starts as people settle into their chosen career, and become productive members of society. This stage is marked by increased responsibility and personal satisfaction from work and career.

4. Maintenance (typical age 46 – 65) – People at this stage are maintaining their current career and participating in career development activities that will keep them up to date in their present job.
(With the much-heralded "end of lifetime employment", people may or may not enjoy such a settled, stable period. Recent trends have shown discrimination against people in their 50s and 60s, although anti-discrimination laws may reduce this in some countries.)
5. Disengagement (ages 65 and up) – This is the stage when someone has chosen to slow down and eventually retire from their career. During this stage the emphasis moves away from paid work and leaves people with time to concentrate on the other roles they engage in like leisurite, home-maker, and citizen.
Tip:
Re-emphasizing that this was the general pattern of life in industrialized countries when Super developed his model. In particular, the middle of life was taken up with the intense and often-conflicting activities of hard work and parenting, with relatively little time dedicated to the role of "leisurite".
With forethought and effective time management , you can often find a balance that is more satisfying than this.

Finding a Better Work/Life Balance Using the
Model
The Life Career Rainbow helps you think about
your work/life balance now, and how you can adjust it to better
suit your needs. It then helps you think about how you want your
work/life balance to change over the next five years.


We do this with three pie charts. With the first,
you'll look at your current work/life balance. With the second,
you'll look at what you want it to be right now, while with the
third, you'll think about what you want it to be in five years
time.
Where you identify imbalances between your current
and desired pie charts, we'll look at how you can address these,
developing goals that will help you move towards your desired
state.
Step 1: Draw Your Current Work/Life Balance Pie Chart
Using the first blank pie chart on our


Life Career Rainbow Worksheet , mark out the time you currently
spend in the eight different Life Roles.
Figure 2: Example Current Work/Life Balance Pie Chart:




Tip:
Try to be objective when you do this. It's all-too-easy
for people to let emotion cloud their judgment here, and
think that they routinely spend more time on roles they
dislike than they actually do.

Step 2: Develop your Ideal Work/Life
Balance Pie Chart
Using the Life Career Rainbow diagram in figure
1 as a starting point, reflect on your values and the things that
you hold to be important in your life, as well as thinking about
your current satisfactions and dissatisfactions as you develop
this ideal. As an example, people who intensely value professional
achievement may spend much more time in the Work Role than people
who predominantly value nurturing a healthy family. The latter
will emphasize the Parent or Spouse Role.
On the second blank pie chart, mark the amount of time you would like to allocate to each of the roles
right now.
Figure 3: Example Ideal Work/Life Balance Pie Chart:



Step 3: Develop your 5-Year's Time Ideal Work/Life Balance Pie Chart
Again, look at the Life Career Rainbow, and
think about changes in the pattern of your life that you can reasonably
expect to occur. Then think about how you would like your life
to look in five years time.
On the third blank pie chart, mark the amount of time you would like to allocate to each of the roles
in five years' time.
Step 4: Look at Discrepancies and Identify
Barriers and Challenges
Compare your ideal charts from steps 2 and 3
with the current chart from step 1.
Identify the discrepancies, and list the reasons
for them. Have you become complacent and let yourself get swept
away by events. Or are there real factors that are preventing
you from achieving your ideal work/life balance? If so, identify
those factors.
Step 5: Develop Goals to Meet the Challenges in Step 4
This is where you identify specific strategies
to achieve the ideal work/life balance you want.
Look at the discrepancies and barriers you identified
in step 4 and set appropriate goals to
move yourself from your current state to your desired state. Just
be aware that if you want to make a substantial change to your
work/life balance, you'll need to think this through carefully,
including understanding and reconciling yourself to the trade-offs
that will result from the change.
Taking a simple example, if you're a hard-working
male manager and your wife is pregnant with your first child,
now is a great time to develop great time management and delegation
skills! And taking this further, if your paramount goal is to
be a great father, you may need to slow down at work and accept
the trade-off that unless you're particularly astute, you probably
won't earn as much over the next five years as the career-focused
person who's currently your peer.

Key Points
The overall message of Super's Life Career Rainbow
is that career development is a lifelong process that is influenced
greatly by other areas of life. There is no one-way to develop
a career and one of the most important aspects of career planning
is finding the balance between work and the rest of life.
The Life Career Rainbow is a useful tool for
thinking about how the demands on your time change depending on
life circumstances. It helps you understand why you might be overloaded
or experiencing stress, and helps you understand what you can
do about it and the trade-offs you should expect as a consequence.
Once you can "see" how you split up your work
roles and your life roles, it can be much easier to identify where
your work and life is out of balance and begin the process of
creating the harmony you need.

Download Worksheet

Read more…

When life is busy, or all your energy is focused on a special project, it's all too easy to find yourself off
balance, not paying enough attention to important areas of your life. While you need to have drive and focus if you're going to get things done, taking this too far can lead to frustration and intense stress.
That's when it's time to take a "helicopter view" of your life, so that you can bring things back into balance.
This is where the Wheel of Life® (or Life Wheel) can help. Commonly used by professional life coaches, it helps you consider each area of your life in turn and assess what's off balance. As such, it helps you identify areas that need more attention.
Figure 1 below shows an example wheel of life with example "dimensions" (we'll explain how to choose the right areas of life or dimensions for you below).
Figure 1 – Wheel of Life Example

The Wheel of Life is powerful because it gives you a vivid visual representation of the way your life is currently,
compared with the way you'd ideally like it to be. It is called the "Wheel of Life" because each area of your life is mapped on a circle, like the spoke of a wheel. The concept was originally created by Paul J. Meyer, founder of Success Motivation® Institute, Inc.
Using the Tool

There are two ways you can use this tool. One is to use our interactive Wheel of Life tool below (click on the diagram to activate it).



Alternatively, use the following steps to create your Wheel of Life and assess your balance. (This allows you to define your own dimensions.)
Start by downloading our free


Wheel of Life worksheet which contains a blank Wheel of Life diagram as shown in figure 2, below.
Figure 2 – Wheel of Life Template

1. Brainstorm Life Areas
Start by brainstorming the 6 to 8 dimensions of your life that are important for you. Different approaches to this are:

The roles you play in life , for example: husband/wife, father/mother, manager, colleague, team member, sports player, community leader, or friend.
Areas of life that are important to you , for example: artistic expression, positive attitude, career, education, family, friends, financial freedom, physical challenge, pleasure, or public service.
Your own combination of these (or different) things , reflecting the things that are your priorities in life.

2. Write These Down on the Wheel
Write down these dimensions on the Wheel of Life diagram, one on each spoke of the life wheel.
3. Assess Each Area
This approach assumes that you will be happy and fulfilled if you can find the right balance of attention for each of these dimensions. And different areas of your life will need different levels of attention at different times. So the next step is to assess the amount of attention you're currently devoting to each area.
Consider each dimension in turn, and on a scale of 0 (low) – to 10 (high), write down the amount of attention you're devoting to that area of your life. Mark each score on the appropriate spoke of your Life Wheel.
4. Join Up the Marks
Now join up the marks around the circle. Does your life wheel look and feel balanced?
5. Think About Your Ideal Level
Next it's time to consider your ideal level in each area of your life. A balanced life does not mean getting 5 in each life area: some areas need more attention and focus than others at any time. And inevitably you will need to make choices and compromises, as your time and energy are not in unlimited supply!
So the question is, what would the ideal level of attention be for you in each life area?
Plot the "ideal" scores around your life wheel too.
6. Take Action
Now you have a visual representation of your current life balance and your ideal life balance. What are the gaps? These are the areas of your life that need attention.
And remember that gaps can go both ways. There are almost certainly areas that are not getting as much attention as you'd like. However there may also be areas where you're putting in more effort than you'd ideally like. These areas are sapping energy and enthusiasm that may better be directed elsewhere.
Once you have identified the areas that need attention, it's time to plan the actions needed to work on regaining balance. Starting with the neglected areas, what things do you need to start doing to regain balance? In the areas that currently sap your energy and time, what can you stop doing or reprioritize or delegate to someone else? Make a commitment to these actions by writing them on your


Wheel of Life worksheet .







Tip:
You can use the Wheel of Life as preparation for goal setting or coaching. It helps identify the areas you want to work on and is a great way of visualizing your current and desired life. Once you are working on improving your life balance, it's also a useful tool for monitoring your life balance as it changes over time.












Key Points
The Wheel of Life is a great tool to help you improve your life balance. It helps you quickly and graphically identify the areas in your life to which you want to devote more energy, and helps you understand where you might want to cut back.
The challenge now is to transform this knowledge and desire for a more balanced life into a positive program of action.





















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Ask questions, or share your experience




What members say... Dianna wrote Hi nailya - welcome to the forums! Great to see you are interested in achieving balance. I personally believe it is one of the core elements of a happy life and satisfying career. When Iget out of balance everything seems to suffer and I try to keep a firm grip on all parts of my life to avoid this kind of melt down. Easier said than done, and it takes constant work but I'm very happy to put in the time because I know the rewards are there.

Cheers! If there is anything I can help you with around the Club please let me know. in the meantime enjoy your time here!

Dianna July 9, 2010 nailya wrote hi this is for you July 7, 2010 bigk wrote Hi

I had quick look at this book too and it has appeal although I could see the USP in the commentary, it still sounds worth investigating...

But afterwards, it seems to need your own contribution about how to align it to your own needs and situations.
The good thing is there are many here who could support each other, so perhaps when there is common agreement we can help one another when there is a ? moment that wants an alternative view...

Still ready to drop any of this to help or be helpful and also help myself.

Bigk July 6, 2010 Yolande wrote Wow...sounds like a "must have" book Bree....I can hear my bookshelf groaning... "oh no, not, another one!"
Managing your energy is indeed an interesting thought and one that we can sure concentrate on more.

Cheers
Y July 6, 2010 Bree wrote I definitely like the concept of work effectiveness - work smarter, not necessarily longer!!

Many organisations, like Yolande said, believe that working late was equal to being a good/loyal/productive person I've seen it myself (and I imagine many of us have as well!) where people are working long hours, get more tired and then it takes that much longer to get anything done.

I'm always an advocate to take a break when you are feeling tired and sluggish, so that you can come back with a renewed and reinvigorated focus! There are still times when I work hard to get something done and it feels like I'm swimming up-stream against a strong current ... even when I know that if I just take a bit of a break, I'll be able to get back on task and it will be that much easier! I am learning though!!

This reminds me of the subtitle of an excellent book, The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, not time,is the key to high performance and personal renewal. The book helps to become 'physically energized, emotionally connected, mentally focused and spiritually aligned' ... powerful stuff!!

Bree July 6, 2010 bigk wrote Hi

I agree, effectiveness is easier than just looking at getting or using balance.

I also agree with these comments: A well-rested, well balanced person is much more effective and productive than a stressed out, unbalanced, chronically tired person. Managing work and life outside of work can be challenging, but we all owe it to ourselves to get some physical exercise.

Improvements by identifying and implementing.


Bigk July 4, 2010 Yolande wrote Hi Zuni

I rather like the idea of work-life effectiveness...

I also worked for an organisation at a stage, where no-one working normal office hours was ever considered for promotion - it was sort of culture, that working late was equal to being a good/loyal/productive person...which is of course not necessarily true. Needless to say, we had quite an alarming rate of burnout amongst the managers!

A well-rested, well balanced person is much more effective and productive than a stressed out, unbalanced, chronically tired person. Managing work and life outside of work can be challenging, but we all owe it to ourselves to get some physical exercise. We also need to do something other than work whether it is woodwork, pottery, photography..whatever - but we have to have balance in our focus as well (if that makes sense...)!

Kind regards
Yolandé July 1, 2010 zuni wrote Hi all,

As others have commented, this is a terrific tool. I agree with Sabriyyah that the life wheel complements the 7 Habits very well.

Our CEO has asked HR to conduct research on management work hours. In her opinion managers are not working long enough hours, although the work standard is 37.5 hours per week. That said, many managers work many more hours a week than this. Getting the balance right between workforce productivity and work-life balance is tough. I can see using this wheel with employees to help them figure out how to better manage their life and work.

A health and wellness specialist in our organization recently returned from a conference where it was stated that work-life balance is no longer the objective, but rather work life effectiveness. Perhaps effectively managing work and life challenges is a more reasonable goal as we grapple with the economic turbulence many countries are experiencing today.

Thoughts?

Zuni July 1, 2010 Yolande wrote Hi Sabriyyah


Many thanks for alerting us to the link that isn't working properly. I passed it on to our IT team to sort out.
Yes - you are right, the Wheel of Life does seem to fit in very nicely with the 7 Habits! From here on, you can only go forward and upward!


Kind regards
Yolandé June 30, 2010

Read more…

Have you ever worked on a project that had a tight-but-achievable deadline, and that needed your unique, expert knowledge for it to be completed successfully?
Even though you found it challenging, you may have delivered some of your best work.
Or, think back to a project you worked on where there was little pressure to deliver.
The deadline was flexible and the work wasn't challenging. You may have done an average job, at best.
There's a subtle relationship between pressure and performance. When your people experience the right amount of pressure, they do their best work. However, if there's too much or too little pressure, then performance can suffer.
This relationship is explained by the Inverted-U Model, which we'll look at in this article. This helps you get the best from your people, at the same time that you keep them happy and engaged.
About the Model
The Inverted-U model (also known as the Yerkes-Dodson Law), was created by psychologists Robert Yerkes and John Dodson as long ago as 1908. Despite its age, it's a model that has stood the test of time.
It shows the relationship between pressure (or arousal) and performance.



According to the model, peak performance is achieved when people experience a moderate level of pressure. Where they experience too much or too little pressure, their performance declines, sometimes severely.
The left hand side of the graph shows the situation where people are under-challenged. Here, they see no reason to work hard at a task, or they're in danger of approaching their work in a "sloppy," unmotivated way.
The middle of the graph shows where they're working at peak effectiveness. They're sufficiently motivated to work hard, but they're not so overloaded that they're starting to struggle. This is where people can enter a state of "Flow," the enjoyable and highly productive state in which they can do their best work. (See our article on the Flow Model for more on this.)
The right hand side of the graph shows where they're starting to "fall apart under pressure." They're overwhelmed by the volume and scale of competing demands on their attention, and they may be starting to panic.

Tip:
You can manage your own levels of pressure and arousal using techniques such as Relaxation Imagery , Centering , and Deep Breathing . While you can teach these techniques to members of your team, this article focuses on structural approaches to managing pressure and performance.

The Four Influencers
The shape of the Inverted-U curve shown in Figure 1 is for illustration only - in reality, the shape of the curve will depend on the situation, and the individual person.
There are four main "influencers" that can affect this. These are:

Skill Level.
Personality.
Trait Anxiety.
Task Complexity.

We'll now look at each influencer in greater detail:
Skill Level
People's levels of skill with a given task directly influence how well they perform, which is why you need to train your people intensively if you want them to cope in high pressure situations.
For instance, if they're not practiced enough to do a task, they'll feel under serious pressure, and they won't perform well. What's more, people are less able to think in a flexible, methodical way when they're under pressure, which is why they need to be able to fall back on well-rehearsed responses.
Personality
A person's personality also affects how well he or she performs.
For instance, some psychologists believe that people who are extroverts are likely to perform better in high-pressure situations. People with an introverted personality, on the other hand, may perform better with less pressure.
Trait Anxiety
Think of trait anxiety as the level of a person's "self-talk." People who are self-confident are more likely to perform better under pressure. This is because their self-talk is under control, which means that they can stay "in flow", and they can concentrate fully on the situation at hand. By contrast, people who criticize or question themselves are likely to be distracted by their self-talk, which can cause them to lose focus in pressurized situations.
The more that people are able to lower their anxiety about a task (with practice, or with positive thinking , for example) the better they'll perform.
Task Complexity
Task complexity describes the level of attention and effort that people have to put into a task in order to complete it successfully. People can perform simple activities under quite high levels of pressure, while complex activities are better performed in a calm, low-pressure environment.

Note:
Remember that these are only influences. With experienced, good people, their self-discipline and sense of professionalism should help them avoid performance issues on the left hand side of the graph. Their training and experience will also help them on the right hand side of the graph, although there is a point at which even experienced professionals may become so overwhelmed that their work suffers.

Using the Model
The simplest way to use the Inverted-U Model is to be aware of it when you allocate tasks and projects to people on your team.
Most importantly, start by thinking about people's workloads, and about the pressure that they're already experiencing. If people are overloaded, see if you can take pressure off them - this will help them increase the quality of their work. By contrast, if they're underworked (it can happen!), you may need to keep them sharp by shortening deadlines or finding extra things for them to do.

From there, balance the influences that contribute to pressure, so that your people can perform at their best.
For instance, try to provide team members with tasks and projects of an appropriate level of complexity, and work to build confidence in people who need it.
Also, manage negativity in your team, and train your people so that they have the skills they need to do a good job. (Our article on Training Needs Assessment will help you do this.) Tools like the Four Dimensions of Relational Work can also help you match tasks to people's personalities and interpersonal skills.
However, bear in mind that you won't be able to balance influences in all situations, so make sure that you know how to motivate your team effectively, so that you can help them perform in all situations.

Note 1:
Although not addressed as part of the Inverted-U Model, it's also important to remember that people can experience pressure from other sources (for instance, from their personal lives or from any underlying concerns about their role or organization). Bear these external pressures in mind when setting deadlines and allocating tasks.
Note 2:
Don't worry about people becoming too skilled or too confident - you can use the other influencers to balance this, so that they feel the optimum amount of pressure to perform at their best.
Note 3:
Don't, whatever you do, confuse "pressure" with "stress" in this model. Stress is all about people feeling out of control, and it's a wholly negative thing. If you seek to increase people's stress (rather than increasing positive pressure), all you'll do is create an unhappy, under-performing workplace.


Key Points
The Inverted-U Model illustrates the relationship between pressure and performance. According to the model, there is an optimum level of pressure at which people perform at their best. Too much or too little pressure can lead to decreased performance.
There are four main "influencers" that can affect how much pressure people feel:

Skill Level.
Personality.
Trait Anxiety.
Task Complexity.

You can use the model by managing these four influencers, and by being aware of how they can positively or negatively influence your people's performance.

Read more…