Empathic Listening
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Empathic listening is a structured listening and
questioning technique, which helps you develop and enhance
relationships through a stronger understanding of what is being
conveyed both intellectually and emotionally. As such, it helps you
take active listening techniques to a new level.
Why use the tool?
Honest and effective use of empathic listening
helps you win the trust of team members, helping you address the
root cause of problems rather than superficial but potentially
damaging symptoms.
How to use the tool
Listen patiently to what the other person has to
say, even when you do not agree with it. It is important to show the
speaker acceptance, not necessarily agreement, by simply nodding or
injecting phrases such as "I understand" or "I see."
Try to get a feel for the feelings the speaker is expressing, while
staying mindful of the emotional content being delivered.
Think of yourself as a mirror. Repeat the speaker's thoughts and
feelings.
While encouraging the speaker to continue with his/her
communications, interject summary responses. Examples of these
include "So you do not feel as though you play a strong enough role
on the team," or "You feel your talents and experiences would better
be utilized in another position," or "You feel as though you are
undervalued on this project." This should be done in a neutral way,
so as not to lead the speaker to your conclusions.
An empathic listener works to keep the speaker from feeling or
becoming defensive. To do this, try not to ask direct questions,
argue with what is being said, or even dispute facts. The evidence
can be considered later. For now, concentrate fully on what is being
said and how the speaker feels.
When the speaker says something that requires additional input,
simply repeat the statement as a question. For instance, if the
speaker says: "I am not happy in my current position." You can probe
further by replying: "You say you are not happy in your current
position?" This small amount of encouragement may be all it takes to
prompt the speaker to elaborate further.
Be mindful of what is not being said. Often, what the speaker holds
back is as important as what he/she communicates.
If the speaker asks for your input, be honest; however, try to
refrain from providing input that may influence the speaker's
thoughts or inhibit further communication.
Tip:
Keep your own emotions in-check and do not allow yourself to become emotionally involved.
Remember: Understand first, evaluation later.
Finally, keep in mind that by earning the speaker's confidence, you
allow them to communicate more freely. In doing this, you ensure
better results for the employee, for yourself, for your team and for
the company as a whole.
Where you've earned this trust, make sure you don't betray it.
Example
As a manager, John prides himself on being there for his team
members and maintains an open-door policy. He feels he knows each
team member quite well and regularly engages in "personal"
conversation with each, working to stay abreast going-ons in their
lives both at work and outside of work.
Recently, he noticed Natalie pulling away from the team. During
meetings, she seemed distracted and did not provide the high-level
of input the team had come to expect from her.
And, Natalie did not look well. She was late for meetings, which was
unlike her, and seemed overall disinterested.
John approached Natalie and asked if something was wrong. Natalie
grew somewhat defensive and said: "Why do you ask?" and "I am just
fine."
A few more weeks went by and, still not satisfied with Natalie's
performance, John grew more concerned, for Natalie had previously
been the backbone of his thriving team.
To get to the bottom of this, John relied on empathic listening
techniques to uncover the sources of Natalie's uncharacteristically
poor work performance. And, as he found, the answer was not
work-related after all.
John called Natalie in his office. He simply asked her how he could
help her, keeping her off of the defense and providing much-needed
support. Then, he listened to what Natalie said and what she didn't,
careful to not interject or interrupt and before long, he uncovered
that Natalie was going through a divorce and taking care of an ill
parent at the same time.
John regularly acted as if he were a mirror for Natalie during the
conversation, repeating points so she knew he understood and
rephrasing her comments into questions when she paused and asked for
input from him.
John paid attention to Natalie's body language. This previously
confidant woman kept her head and eyes down. Overall, she seemed
terribly defeated.
After allowing Natalie to get everything off her chest, John
provided support and not judgment. John offered to temporarily
lighten Natalie's load at work, while reassuring her that her
responsibilities would be waiting on her when she was ready to
return at full-speed. John also made Natalie aware of resources
available to her through the company's HR Department, such as
counseling, financial planning, etc.
Just as important, John kept the conversation to himself. He let
Natalie know that what she told him would stay between them and it
did. And, John encouraged Natalie to keep him updated and allowed
her time to go to the counseling sessions she planned through the
company's HR Department.
John took note of Natalie's obvious pain and listened empathically.
The result: Natalie took just over a month to get better and when
she returned at full-speed, her work was better than ever, as was
her focus, her loyalty to John, to the team and to the company.
Key Points
An empathic listener's role is that of a supporting one. In empathic listening, success is measured by the ability to take the contents out of the account or the sequence of events and allow these to rise to the surface.
Listen carefully and non-judgementally and, where appropriate, repeat key phrases to encourage people to open up. Pay as much attention to what's not being said, or what's being said with emotion and body language, as to what's being said.
And where you win trust and confidence, make sure you respect it.
Tags:
Communication, Communication Skills, Skills
questioning technique, which helps you develop and enhance
relationships through a stronger understanding of what is being
conveyed both intellectually and emotionally. As such, it helps you
take active listening techniques to a new level.
Why use the tool?
Honest and effective use of empathic listening
helps you win the trust of team members, helping you address the
root cause of problems rather than superficial but potentially
damaging symptoms.
How to use the tool
Listen patiently to what the other person has to
say, even when you do not agree with it. It is important to show the
speaker acceptance, not necessarily agreement, by simply nodding or
injecting phrases such as "I understand" or "I see."
Try to get a feel for the feelings the speaker is expressing, while
staying mindful of the emotional content being delivered.
Think of yourself as a mirror. Repeat the speaker's thoughts and
feelings.
While encouraging the speaker to continue with his/her
communications, interject summary responses. Examples of these
include "So you do not feel as though you play a strong enough role
on the team," or "You feel your talents and experiences would better
be utilized in another position," or "You feel as though you are
undervalued on this project." This should be done in a neutral way,
so as not to lead the speaker to your conclusions.
An empathic listener works to keep the speaker from feeling or
becoming defensive. To do this, try not to ask direct questions,
argue with what is being said, or even dispute facts. The evidence
can be considered later. For now, concentrate fully on what is being
said and how the speaker feels.
When the speaker says something that requires additional input,
simply repeat the statement as a question. For instance, if the
speaker says: "I am not happy in my current position." You can probe
further by replying: "You say you are not happy in your current
position?" This small amount of encouragement may be all it takes to
prompt the speaker to elaborate further.
Be mindful of what is not being said. Often, what the speaker holds
back is as important as what he/she communicates.
If the speaker asks for your input, be honest; however, try to
refrain from providing input that may influence the speaker's
thoughts or inhibit further communication.
Tip:
Keep your own emotions in-check and do not allow yourself to become emotionally involved.
Remember: Understand first, evaluation later.
Finally, keep in mind that by earning the speaker's confidence, you
allow them to communicate more freely. In doing this, you ensure
better results for the employee, for yourself, for your team and for
the company as a whole.
Where you've earned this trust, make sure you don't betray it.
Example
As a manager, John prides himself on being there for his team
members and maintains an open-door policy. He feels he knows each
team member quite well and regularly engages in "personal"
conversation with each, working to stay abreast going-ons in their
lives both at work and outside of work.
Recently, he noticed Natalie pulling away from the team. During
meetings, she seemed distracted and did not provide the high-level
of input the team had come to expect from her.
And, Natalie did not look well. She was late for meetings, which was
unlike her, and seemed overall disinterested.
John approached Natalie and asked if something was wrong. Natalie
grew somewhat defensive and said: "Why do you ask?" and "I am just
fine."
A few more weeks went by and, still not satisfied with Natalie's
performance, John grew more concerned, for Natalie had previously
been the backbone of his thriving team.
To get to the bottom of this, John relied on empathic listening
techniques to uncover the sources of Natalie's uncharacteristically
poor work performance. And, as he found, the answer was not
work-related after all.
John called Natalie in his office. He simply asked her how he could
help her, keeping her off of the defense and providing much-needed
support. Then, he listened to what Natalie said and what she didn't,
careful to not interject or interrupt and before long, he uncovered
that Natalie was going through a divorce and taking care of an ill
parent at the same time.
John regularly acted as if he were a mirror for Natalie during the
conversation, repeating points so she knew he understood and
rephrasing her comments into questions when she paused and asked for
input from him.
John paid attention to Natalie's body language. This previously
confidant woman kept her head and eyes down. Overall, she seemed
terribly defeated.
After allowing Natalie to get everything off her chest, John
provided support and not judgment. John offered to temporarily
lighten Natalie's load at work, while reassuring her that her
responsibilities would be waiting on her when she was ready to
return at full-speed. John also made Natalie aware of resources
available to her through the company's HR Department, such as
counseling, financial planning, etc.
Just as important, John kept the conversation to himself. He let
Natalie know that what she told him would stay between them and it
did. And, John encouraged Natalie to keep him updated and allowed
her time to go to the counseling sessions she planned through the
company's HR Department.
John took note of Natalie's obvious pain and listened empathically.
The result: Natalie took just over a month to get better and when
she returned at full-speed, her work was better than ever, as was
her focus, her loyalty to John, to the team and to the company.
Key Points
An empathic listener's role is that of a supporting one. In empathic listening, success is measured by the ability to take the contents out of the account or the sequence of events and allow these to rise to the surface.
Listen carefully and non-judgementally and, where appropriate, repeat key phrases to encourage people to open up. Pay as much attention to what's not being said, or what's being said with emotion and body language, as to what's being said.
And where you win trust and confidence, make sure you respect it.
