Empathy at Work
Monday, November 25, 2013
"Tom is a great accountant, but his 'people'
skills hold him back. I can't see how he'll ever be promoted unless
he does something about it."
Many of us know people who have reached a certain
point in their careers because of excellent technical skills – but
they somehow don't get along with team members, because their people
skills lag far behind their other job skills.
This might be due to the insensitive manner in
which they ask co-workers for things, the way they never seem to
listen to what others say, or their intolerance for other methods of
working.
Do you have colleagues like Tom? Or, perhaps, are you like Tom?
Workers with poor people skills can often find
themselves in the middle of unnecessary conflict. This can be
exhausting and stressful for all concerned, and it can destroy even
the best laid work plans.
Many people are confident that they can develop
new technical skills and knowledge through training and experience.
However, there's a common belief that "you are how you are" when it
comes to people skills – or "soft" skills – and that there's little
or nothing you can do to change these.
Fortunately, this is far from true. And a great
place to start improving soft skills is by developing the ability to
empathize with others.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is simply recognizing emotions in
others, and being able to "put yourself in another person's shoes" –
understanding the other person's perspective and reality.
To be empathic, you have to think beyond
yourself and your own concerns. Once you see beyond your own world,
you'll realize that there's so much to discover and appreciate!
People who are accused of being egotistical and
selfish, or lacking perspective, have often missed the big picture:
that they are only one person in a world with billions of other people
(although, yes, this can be overwhelming if you think about it too
long!)
If you've been called any of these things, then
remind yourself that the world is full of other people, and you
can't escape their influence on your life. It's far better to accept
this, and to decide to build relationships and understanding, rather
than try to stand alone all of the time.
Using Empathy Effectively
To start using empathy more effectively,
consider the following:
Put aside your viewpoint, and try to see things from the other person's point of view.
When you do this, you'll realize that other people most likely
aren't being evil, unkind, stubborn, or unreasonable – they're
probably just reacting to the situation with the knowledge they
have.
Validate the other person's perspective.
Once you "see" why others believe what they believe, acknowledge it.
Remember: acknowledgement does not always equal agreement. You can accept that people have
different opinions from your own, and that they may have good reason
to hold those opinions.
Examine your attitude.
Are you more concerned with getting your way, winning, or being
right? Or, is your priority to find a solution, build relationships,
and accept others? Without an open mind and attitude, you probably
won't have enough room for empathy.
Listen.
Listen to the entire message that the other person is trying to
communicate.
Listen with your ears – what is being said, and what tone is being used?
Listen with your eyes – what is the person doing with his or her body while speaking?
Listen with your instincts – do you sense that the person is not communicating something important?
Listen with your heart – what do you think the other person feels?
Ask what the other person would do.
When in doubt, ask the person to explain his or her position. This
is probably the simplest, and most direct, way to understand the other person. However,
it's probably the least used way to develop empathy.
It's fine if you ask what the other person wants: you don't earn any "bonus
points" for figuring it out on your own.
For example, the boss who gives her young team members turkey vouchers for the
holidays, when most of them don't even cook, is using her idea of a
practical gift – not theirs.
Practice these skills when you interact with people. You'll likely
appear much more caring and approachable – simply because you
increase your interest in what others think, feel, and experience.
It's a great gift to be willing and able to see the world from a
variety of perspectives – and it's a gift that you can use all of
the time, in any situation.
Here are some more tips for an empathic conversation:
Pay attention, physically and mentally, to what's happening.
Listen carefully, and note the key words and phrases that people use.
Respond encouragingly to the central message.
Be flexible – prepare to change direction as the other person's thoughts and feelings also change.
Look for cues that you're on target.
Key Points
Developing an empathic approach is perhaps the most significant
effort you can make toward improving your people skills. When you
understand others, they'll probably want to understand you – and
this is how you can start to build cooperation, collaboration, and
teamwork.
Tags:
Communication, Communication Skills, Skills
skills hold him back. I can't see how he'll ever be promoted unless
he does something about it."
Many of us know people who have reached a certain
point in their careers because of excellent technical skills – but
they somehow don't get along with team members, because their people
skills lag far behind their other job skills.
This might be due to the insensitive manner in
which they ask co-workers for things, the way they never seem to
listen to what others say, or their intolerance for other methods of
working.
Do you have colleagues like Tom? Or, perhaps, are you like Tom?
Workers with poor people skills can often find
themselves in the middle of unnecessary conflict. This can be
exhausting and stressful for all concerned, and it can destroy even
the best laid work plans.
Many people are confident that they can develop
new technical skills and knowledge through training and experience.
However, there's a common belief that "you are how you are" when it
comes to people skills – or "soft" skills – and that there's little
or nothing you can do to change these.
Fortunately, this is far from true. And a great
place to start improving soft skills is by developing the ability to
empathize with others.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is simply recognizing emotions in
others, and being able to "put yourself in another person's shoes" –
understanding the other person's perspective and reality.
To be empathic, you have to think beyond
yourself and your own concerns. Once you see beyond your own world,
you'll realize that there's so much to discover and appreciate!
People who are accused of being egotistical and
selfish, or lacking perspective, have often missed the big picture:
that they are only one person in a world with billions of other people
(although, yes, this can be overwhelming if you think about it too
long!)
If you've been called any of these things, then
remind yourself that the world is full of other people, and you
can't escape their influence on your life. It's far better to accept
this, and to decide to build relationships and understanding, rather
than try to stand alone all of the time.
Using Empathy Effectively
To start using empathy more effectively,
consider the following:
Put aside your viewpoint, and try to see things from the other person's point of view.
When you do this, you'll realize that other people most likely
aren't being evil, unkind, stubborn, or unreasonable – they're
probably just reacting to the situation with the knowledge they
have.
Validate the other person's perspective.
Once you "see" why others believe what they believe, acknowledge it.
Remember: acknowledgement does not always equal agreement. You can accept that people have
different opinions from your own, and that they may have good reason
to hold those opinions.
Examine your attitude.
Are you more concerned with getting your way, winning, or being
right? Or, is your priority to find a solution, build relationships,
and accept others? Without an open mind and attitude, you probably
won't have enough room for empathy.
Listen.
Listen to the entire message that the other person is trying to
communicate.
Listen with your ears – what is being said, and what tone is being used?
Listen with your eyes – what is the person doing with his or her body while speaking?
Listen with your instincts – do you sense that the person is not communicating something important?
Listen with your heart – what do you think the other person feels?
Ask what the other person would do.
When in doubt, ask the person to explain his or her position. This
is probably the simplest, and most direct, way to understand the other person. However,
it's probably the least used way to develop empathy.
It's fine if you ask what the other person wants: you don't earn any "bonus
points" for figuring it out on your own.
For example, the boss who gives her young team members turkey vouchers for the
holidays, when most of them don't even cook, is using her idea of a
practical gift – not theirs.
Practice these skills when you interact with people. You'll likely
appear much more caring and approachable – simply because you
increase your interest in what others think, feel, and experience.
It's a great gift to be willing and able to see the world from a
variety of perspectives – and it's a gift that you can use all of
the time, in any situation.
Here are some more tips for an empathic conversation:
Pay attention, physically and mentally, to what's happening.
Listen carefully, and note the key words and phrases that people use.
Respond encouragingly to the central message.
Be flexible – prepare to change direction as the other person's thoughts and feelings also change.
Look for cues that you're on target.
Key Points
Developing an empathic approach is perhaps the most significant
effort you can make toward improving your people skills. When you
understand others, they'll probably want to understand you – and
this is how you can start to build cooperation, collaboration, and
teamwork.
