Dealing With Unfair Criticism

You're presenting the draft marketing plan for a new product at your team meeting.
As you talk, you notice the
encouraging gestures of your colleagues and supervisor.
But one
colleague withholds approval, listening with a steely stare.
After
you finish, he proceeds to deliver a withering critique of your
ideas and approach – each point of which, you feel, is patently
wrong.
As he talks, you feel the blood rise to your face and your
heart pound. Now all eyes are on you. What will you say?
Or another scenario: For a year, you work hard toward meeting your
professional goals. Things are going well, you're meeting your
targets, and team morale is high. Then the hammer drops: At your
one-on-one annual review, your boss expresses disappointment in
you. Despite all indications to the contrary, you're suddenly in
the hot seat – and your boss is telling you so to your face.
What we've seen here are two cases of unfair
criticism – one from a colleague, and one from a boss. What do you
do now? How you react to it can have a tremendous impact on your
career. Emotionally charged, your instincts may not be the best
guide to follow.
So now what? Easy does it.
Dealing With Your Initial Response
Your immediate response is the most important one – it has the
greatest scope for making things worse or better. Here's our
recommended approach to overcome the natural urge to express your
anger or fight back.
Step 1: Remain Calm
The first thing to do is remain calm, whether the rhetorical slap
comes from a colleague or a boss. Negative criticism can give rise
to anger or feelings of inadequacy. Expressing these emotions will
only dig you deeper into a hole, and give your critic the high
ground. When the hammer drops, react with courtesy – and a pause.
A couple of deep, quiet breaths will help settle you.
Step 2: Have the Point Repeated
Don't pressure yourself to think of the perfect response on the
spot. You probably won't. Instead, try this: Simply and calmly
repeat your critic's complaints back to him, to make sure that
you've understood him properly. Making steady eye contact and in a
non-aggressive tone, say: "So, what you're saying is.," and put
his criticisms in your own words. The goal here is to take the
focus away from any personality clash, and place it squarely on
substantive issues.

And if what he's saying is truly ridiculous,
this tactic may shine a harsh light on his critique. Be very careful
though to be factual and avoid the temptation to exaggerate. If
he claims your sales strategy will to deliver mediocre results, don't say, "So what your saying is, my sales
strategy will bring the company down". By overstating his case,
you'll come off as someone who's defensive and looking for a fight
– rather than a reasonable person who's genuinely looking to get
to the bottom of the matter.
If you manage to pull this off, you will have performed the
equivalent of turning the other cheek. A truly aggressive critic
might be hoping to goad you into a fight, or at least to make you
betray anger. Or he may be expecting you to cave in, accept his
critique, and slink off, defeated. Instead, what you're doing is
taking the focus off of your reaction and putting it back onto his
criticisms – without accepting or denying them.
Step 3: Open up Both Perspectives
The objective repetition tactic may set him off-balance, and
inspire him to backtrack. If so, now is a good time to open a real
discussion of the critique. If you choose this route, a smart
tactic would be to couch your response in language like "from my
perspective", or, "I can see how you might get that idea, but I
probably haven't properly explained that." This establishes
respect as a key element of the conversation. You will have shown
that you're willing to look at things from his perspective, and
you can see how he might have reasonably drawn the conclusions he
has. Now you'll give him the opportunity to return the favor.
Step 4: Move on Politely
If, on the other hand, your critic holds firm even after you
repeat his complaints in his own words, you'll need some time to
develop a good response. You've shown that you've understood
"where he's coming from," and hopefully you've done so without
betraying anger or shame. Now it's time for a graceful exit.
"That's certainly something to think about going forward, and I
appreciate the feedback," you might say. This presents you as
someone genuinely trying to do the best job possible – and places
the focus on future interactions.
Responding to a Critical Colleague
Well, you certainly have been given something to think about, and
now you've bought some time. The best possible response will
depend, of course, on whether your critic is a colleague or a
superior.
If it's a colleague, the first thing to do is take the time-tested
advice: "Consider the source." Is he a respected voice within the
company, or someone who criticizes others in a desperate attempt
to shore up his own flagging reputation? If it's the latter, you
may have already solved the problem by calmly repeating his
criticism during the meeting. "There he goes again," other team
members quite likely will have thought.
However, if your critic's opinion carries weight within the
company, it's worth doing some damage limitation. One good idea
might be to suggest a meeting to hash out your differences. Even
if you find his reasoning flawed, don't discount the chance that
you might have something to learn from him. The two of you might
together come up with an improved strategy, and you'll emerge from
the interaction with a reputation as a team player who pursues the
best interests of the company.
So if you think he's wrong, be open-minded but stick to your guns
– graciously.
If he persists, and you are convinced that he's
wrong, you might consider looking for buy-in from a superior.
Be careful not to launch a personal attack – accurately portray
both sides of the argument, and explain that that you understand
his point of view, but that your side is better. Again, even if
your boss sides with your critic, you'll come off as someone actively
looking out for the company's best interest.
Tangling With the Boss
What, though, if your critic is your boss? This
is a knottier problem. First, schedule a meeting, and hear him
out. Are you sure his criticism isn't valid? If he does on balance
make sense, then cede the point, and adjust your approach appropriately.
If you remain convinced that his criticisms fall wide of the mark,
and he persists in making them, try graciously, through one-on-one
meetings, to bring him round to your view. Failing that, you might
request a meeting with someone higher up the ladder. In doing so,
though, recognize that you risk undermining your position further.
Again, make your case as calmly and rationally as possible.
Providing you and your boss both keep in mind the goals of the
team, rather than your personal or professional differences, you
should be able agree a positive way forward.
Rational discourse really is the best antidote
to unfair criticism. More often than not, it wins out in the corporate
world, providing the people involved are open and willing to finding
the best course.

Tip:
Whether you are debating with your colleague or boss, our article on win-win negotiation will help you find the best, positive way forward.

Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
Being subjected to unfair criticism can easily be a bruising
experience, however well you handle your critic. So it's important
that you don't let the experience damage your self-esteem or
self-confidence.
The main thing to remember is that we're talking about unfair
criticism here rather than constructive feedback. Sometimes the
criticism is unfair because it's simply incorrect. And on other
occasions it's unfair because it's about something that has no
bearing on how you do your job. Either way, remember that it
indicates shortcomings in your critic rather in you.
If you find you continue to dwell on it, though, use the
techniques of thought awareness, rational thinking and positive
thinking to clarify in your own mind that you, your skills and
your actions did not deserve the criticism they received.

Key Points
It's natural to react strongly to unjust
criticism, but this is rarely a wise career move.
Instead, manage
the immediate situation by remaining calm, getting your critic to
repeat the comments and then clarifying that you understand them.
You may spot that the criticism is based on a misunderstanding or
a different perspective, in which case it is reasonably
straightforward to iron this out. In more complicated situations,
particularly when your critic is your boss, you will need to schedule an "offline" meeting to discuss the criticism.

Thanks to Club members Paula and Lulu for their input on this subject.